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Love is a many-splendored thing, especially when you’re gawking at it from the outside. In this column, we’ll be examining the celebrity couples that give us hope for our own romantic futures and trying to learn what we can from their well-documented bonds.
You know when you look at a couple and just know they would be fun to have dinner with? Like, they'd actually ask questions about your life and share gossip about people you mutually dislike and ultimately insist on a third round of drinks? Maybe it's parasocial of me to assume actor Niecy Nash-Betts and her wife, musician, and LGBTQ+ advocate Jessica Betts, whom she married in 2020, would be that kind of couple, but I'm confident enough in their coolness to die on this hill.
Nash-Betts and her wife recently got some major attention at the 2023 Golden Globes, where Ryan Murphy gave a moving speech about the LGBTQ+ actors he's worked with over the course of his career. “A mother of three, [Nash-Betts] was told only a couple of years ago when she wanted to marry the love of her life, Jessica Betts, that she couldn’t, shouldn’t do that. She might never work again. Her community and her industry would abandon her. Niecy Nash chose love not fear, and tonight she’s Golden Globe nominee Niecy Nash-Betts and she’s had the biggest year of her entire career with Dahmer and The Rookie: Feds," said Murphy, as Nash-Betts smiled from the audience and I dissolved into a sentient pile of tear-stained tissues.
Of course, it's not just Murphy's words about the injustice this pair has had to face in order to love one another publicly and proudly that has me obsessed with them. Last year, Nash-Betts confided in fellow actress Laverne Cox about her relationship (or, you know, confided as much as is possible on the E! News red carpet), telling her in the run-up to the 2022 People's Choice Awards: "I've been in love before, but I'm loved comparably, meaning I am very satiated. All of my needs are met, and I'm accepted for everything that I am. And I think that's what really makes the difference." Can you imagine anything more beautiful? My tear-stained tissue pile is growing!
One thing I particularly appreciate about the Nash-Betts marriage is Niecy's seeming lack of interest in defining her sexuality to the world. "I'm a Jess-sexual," she told Gay Times, adding: "I’ve never looked at anyone, male or female, and seen them the way I see her." This calm, confident statement has echoes of writer Djuna Barnes's famous quote that she wasn't a lesbian, she “just loved Thelma,” but in a way that feels open rather than defensive. It's almost as though Nash-Betts is quietly reminding us that her sexual identity is not ours to analyze, but with a subtly arched brow that indicates that she's not mad at us for our messy curiosity. Here's to a future in which the Nash-Betts family, and all LGBTQ+ couples, are encouraged to define their love (or not!) in whatever way feels right to them.