5 reasons why the Feast of San Gennaro totally rocks

I may not be an Italian-American, but for the next ten days, I pledge allegiance to the red, white and green — you know, at the 88th Feast of San Gennaro in Little Italy, which kicked off Thursday.

The too-cool-for–cannoli New Yorkers tend to sniff at the crowds, the cuisine, the general cacophony that is Little Italy. Sure, the fest can be totally hokey and overpriced — but that’s exactly why I never miss it.

Here are five reasons why the Feast of San Gennaro is so great:

It’s a 10-day love letter to carbs

Yes, there are enough carbs and fried dough here to kill a small country — or at least give it celiac disease — but this festival (“the feast of feasts,” as it’s dubbed) is all heart. It’s where the “Cannoli King” is local royalty, and his court smells curiously like spaghetti and meatballs. You can also buy yourself a $5 funnel cake — if you still have room after gorging on all the fried Oreos, Reese’s and Twinkies — and slip into elastic pants from one of the nearby tchotchke shops. Which brings me to . . .

The wares are fabulously kitschy

And what’s wrong with pumping money into the local economy? You can buy a license plate with “Italian Princess” on it or an “Italians do it better” T-shirt. If that’s not for you, try your hand at one of the games strewn across the pedestrian-only promenade — and maybe win a stuffed animal.

It makes for a deceptively romantic evening

Peruse the string-lit stalls lining Mulberry Street and listen to old-time Frankie Valli music with your honey before tucking into a candlelit meal, complete with red wine and checkerboard tablecloths. The waiter won’t miss an opportunity to call you “paesan” or “bella” — and you’ll come to like it. After dinner, cuddle up with your sweetheart on a nearby bench, and check out a live doo-wop concert — maybe Cousin Brucie, broadcasting during the festival, will even mention you on the air!

It’s a total melting pot

Little Italy is microcosm of our fabulously diverse city, and the San Gennaro Feast is no different. It’s where Estonian tourists look at each other in confusion as infamous restaurateur Cha Cha tries to sway them to “Let me take care of you tonight” — and where Russians can battle it out alongside Aussies in Tuesday’s annual pizza-eating contest.

It will always be the eternal throwback

The organizers can try to dress it up with artisanal cannoli and macarons in an attempt to cater to a more upscale crowd — but to me, the 10-day event will always be the humble San Gennaro Festival, the place whereI once had a bad calzone that left me bedridden for a week.

And it always overlaps with a time of year — the anniversary of 9/11 — when our city could use a little extra solidarity. Whether you admit it or not, sometimes everyone needs a slice of pizza with a side of corniness.

Plus, how can you argue with a red, white and green fire hydrant?