Growing up, we always had Little Debbie snack cakes–most often Swiss Cake Rolls–in our house. In fact, I consider Little Debbie the big sister I never had. Mind you, I have three real-life big sisters. But Little Debbie represented something different: her sweet smile, calm demeanor, and excellent snack cakes were in stark contrast to the bared teeth, bullying, and Easter Purple (a combination of warm milk and grape juice that a certain sister of mine would force me to drink) that I got from my real-life sisters.
Between that description and my mac & cheese pronouncement earlier this week, I’m probably not going to be invited to Thanksgiving dinner with my fam this year; if anyone has an open spot at their table please let me know. I promise I won’t mock you on my blog afterwards unless you hit me with a rubber snake, slam a phone on my fingers, or whip my shins with ivy branches till they bleed, in which case you are fair game like my big sisters.
Ho Hos, likewise, have always been a staple of my snacking diet. If I’m standing in front of a vending machine and see Ho Hos, that’s where my quarters are going. For a whole summer when I was in college I ate a package of Ho Hos for breakfast pretty much every day while driving about Western Pennsylvania pimping ice cream to grocery stores.
In all those years of snacking, though, I never gave much thought to whether Little Debbie or Hostess had a better interpretation of chocolate-covered chocolate cake rolls with cream filling. When I realized this, I decided the only fair way to decide which is superior was to do a blind taste test. Mrs. B. lined up both on a plate and I had at it.
Only problem: I’ve eaten so many of both that as soon as I saw them on the plate I knew which was the Ho Ho and which was the Swiss Cake Roll.
(Note: At some point Little Debbie Swiss Cake Rolls dropped the “Cake” and are now labeled as “Swiss Rolls.” Whatever. They’re Swiss Cake Rolls. The Mellon Arena is the Civic Arena, at least until it becomes a parking lot. Benihana is the Samurai, Bally’s is Scandinavian, and whatever they are calling that amphitheater out in Burgettstown these days, it’s Starlake.)
Back to the tasting. Ho Hos dominate in size and overall presentation on the plate: they are hefty, enrobed in textured dark chocolate. Swiss Cake Rolls look puny in comparison. A wimpy, pallid outward appearance visually makes the SCR the snack version of me. Things are not starting well for Little Deb.
When sliced in half, the symmetry and tightly packed innards of the SCR are impressive. By looks alone, the Ho Ho’s cream-to-cake ratio seemed tipped too heavily towards cream.
Alas, this is no snack food David vs. Goliath story, because the big guy wins on taste too. The richer, darker chocolate of the Ho Ho makes SCR’s chocolate flavor seem waxy and weak. Likewise, the Ho Ho offered a tastier cream filling; the SCR’s filling tasted like shortening.
Of course taste is quite subjective…Mrs. B. thought the exact opposite. To her the cream filling in the Ho Ho tasted fake, almost to the point of being insulting. In the past I’ve praised my lovely wife’s palate. Today I mock it. She’s completely wrong.
The Ho Ho wins by a mile.
This is not like Cheez-it’s vs. Cheese Nips, which is really too close to call. SCR are clearly better. Not even close.
BTW, the TRM Cycle store on 88 will always and forever be Sheetz.
You are absolutely right! No conparison…Little Debbie wins!
I have to agree with you, Michael…Ho Ho’s win! I never really enjoyed any of the Little Debbie cakes. I will forever be a Hostess fan! Oh, and that building on Cochran that used to be Skidgy’s but is now something else (a bank?) will always be Friendlys!
And, in case anyone was wondering, I’m the big sister that did the phone on the fingers slamming…among other horrible things that I’m sure will appear in many blogs to come!
i’m with mrs. burghertime – swiss cake rolls. and what about “vocelli’s”…?
Vocelli’s? I have no idea what you are talking about, Kristin…
I’d mention more of the suffering that Beth noted, but I’m afraid to do so; retaliation is swift and harsh from her. Don’t look at her directly in the eyes…she’s bound to attack.
I’ve never thought much of the Cheez-Its vs. Cheese Nips debate. Might be worth persuing.
Oh, and in other places that have new names that are still the old names in my head: Sweets from Heaven will always been Icky, Sticky, and Goo. And Icky, Sticky, and Goo will always be Help-Ur-Self. And the only acceptable bulk candies to get from there are licorice nibs, Sour Patch Kids, and gummy cherries and root beer bottles (which are awesome when combined into a single bite).
I haven’t had these since I was a kid, but I always went with hostess as well.
which raises the question. Ho Hos or cupcakes?
Today was my first time in 24 years tasting a hoho’s Cake. I’ve been craving Little Debbie’s swiss cake rolls for a few days now and my husband brings them to me every time. Today, I’m home sick, yet the craving hit me like a ton of bricks, so before my husband left for work he ran to the local Kroger to get me some. Well, he returns with HoHo’s. All I could do was STOP and blankly stare at the box. What is this? He says, they taste the same… I ate one and immediately googled “hohos vs swiss cake”. I’m here to say, NEGATIVE! HoHo’s LOOSE in comparrison to my wonderful swiss cake rolls!! OMG!! These things taste like horrible fake chocolate…*VOMIT FACE* I’m already NOT a chocolate fan, but these darn hoho’s just further prove my point. Way too sweet, and just nasty. Sorry. I’m done ranting LOL
Your wife is dead on about the Ho Hos cream tasting insultingly fake. I just ate one for the first time this morning–I went to the store in the lobby to get Swiss Cake Rolls, but this was all they had. Not a fan.
Little Debbie Swiss Rolls are by far the best. The creme it what makes it so superior to Ho Hos!
Little Debbie wins!! Hostess ones taste like they’re made of plastic!
I had Swiss Rolls as a child at school. I always loved them. After a couple of decades of living without cheap snacks, though always remembering their deliciousness, I started eating Swiss Rolls again! They were delicious! But then one day recently, there were no SCR in the store and I decided against my better judgment to buy a box of HoHos. WOW! I vacuumed the entire box in before I realized it! HoHos are also delicious – in fact, I do believe they win. I have switched, and am glad I did.